Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
