My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
