sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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