If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
