I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
