you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
