Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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