1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
