happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
