Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
