she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
