So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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