when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
