Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
