Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
