An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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