worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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