My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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