I got chris browned last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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