So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
