Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
