I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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