Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did we literally take a cab across the street
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Congratulations! We have a period
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
