bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
