you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
