dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
