Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
