Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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