i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
