we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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