I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
