It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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