Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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