handjob tips. give me some.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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