My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
