Need sex. Gaining weight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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