Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
