My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
