Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
