ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
