we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
