i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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