I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
