Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize