can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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