can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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