my soul wont recognize me after tonight
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just had sex on a roof
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
