i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
