We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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