i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
