I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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