He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize