I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
