no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
