I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
