She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
