porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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