if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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