I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
