I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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