When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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