The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
