I wish they made helmets for livers.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
