That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
