I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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