Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
