Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
