That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize