reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
