Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
