Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
