i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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