Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
